When I feel that someone have to control me, I feel as if i lost control over my life.. and it feels as if someone else has taken my life away and controlled it. It feels bad... it's like lost something that belongs to me.. that includes my pride.
I have always longed to be independant... and I know that my family members and some of my friends laugh at me because I don't know how to do things on my own. It's quite hurting in a way. It's like saying, "Lizzie ah... cannot depend wanz la. She cannot do anything wanz la...". Maybe it's all in my head but it really makes me feel inadequate.
In a way, maybe that's why i make myself busy... and i try to be initiative... to carry up more responsibility.. hoping that I am able to learn to be independent and also build up my self esteem as well.
I have always longed to be independant... and I know that my family members and some of my friends laugh at me because I don't know how to do things on my own. It's quite hurting in a way. It's like saying, "Lizzie ah... cannot depend wanz la. She cannot do anything wanz la...". Maybe it's all in my head but it really makes me feel inadequate.
In a way, maybe that's why i make myself busy... and i try to be initiative... to carry up more responsibility.. hoping that I am able to learn to be independent and also build up my self esteem as well.
However, we can't totally take control of our lives. Firstly, we are only stewards in this world. God ask us to take care of our bodies and the things we have. It doesn't belong to us. Our lives, belong to God because He is our Creator. He made us. We are His property. Though so, we are to take care of the things and life that He has given us.
Secondly, how much can you have control of your life when you are strucked with diseases? If you are paralyzed or in coma... how much can you really control your life? Other people have to take care of you... you will feel totally useless, like a vegie. Just a tiny, microscopic virus can shut down your immune system. How are we gonna control that when it happens to us?
We can't have total control of our lives.. Although so, doesn't mean that we do not have any control in our lives either. God gave us control by allowing us to make choices. So, do not let circumstances push you around. I used to be pushed around by circumstances.. My friend had to wake me up from it... It was because I didn't like to make decisions, i let circumstances to make it for me. I was so afraid of making the wrong ones. That is not the right attitude... not the one that God wants us to become.
There would always be risk in the decisions we make. And whether we like it a not, we are not in control of all things (things around us, the people around us, the response we'll get from others... and of course ourselves- biologically). We can only try our best to control whatever that comes our way and ourselves... such us take concious effort to take care of our bodies and health, fleeing from temptation instead of inviting/drawing closer to it, avoid any dangers... Then again, do not blame yourselves for the things that are beyond your hands. You can help in other ways.. perhaps on prayer. All in all, we have to surrender it all and ourselves to God.
